Shameless Begging

I want. I want. I want. And I’m too old to be cute in the raw, undiluted land of desire.

Lest you jump too quickly from my ‘wants’ to the mental island of sexuality, let’s first look at what happens if you leap there. You could say this leap is an arch, a powerful motion, a catapult that shoots brain synapses from one state to another, an elevator up the ladder of inference, a rocket-ship of assumption. Any way you phrase it, it’s a high speed motion from a simple word to an assumed understanding that may or may not be what was intended.

Lets assume you make the bound across. You read or hear or think ‘want’ and arrive at sexuality. The path is fraught with landmarks. Suppose I say that the propensity to jump from my simple expression of a feeling: ‘I want’, to the mind state of sex, comes from the wired cluster of linear connections that ultimately keep us all relatively immobile. It starts with our thoughts. Thoughts lead to words, and words to interaction, and interaction to assumption, and assumption to belief, and this huge galloping mouthful of word connections leads to sex. I know it doesn’t feel immobile when the endorphins are fairly abuzz with possibility but think about locale: against a wall, over the kitchen table, draping the couch, horizontal in bed. Sure looks static to me.

But what makes something true? If everyone thinks that the word ‘want’ refers to sex, does it? This takes me back to a 1970’s feminist group process issue: ‘Consensus Agreement’. A phraseology capable of subverting an entire culture. ‘Consensus Decision making’ is a group process, not unlike ‘Robert’s Rules of Order’, except that by implication, everyone has to agree to agree in order for anything to happen.

So, back to the question. From a consensus perspective, everyone agreeing should make something true. But what if what many people think originates from information that indicates faulty thinking? Doesn’t this mean that the popular opinion could be wrong? There are lots of ‘wants’ that are not based in sex.

Okay. I admit it. A feminist origin is hard to leave behind – even if I wanted to – which I don’t. I do think it’s sad that ‘wants’ and desires are so often marginalized into the sexual arena when, in fact, we can find so many other places to go with it all. But no need to worry -- these other places can still evoke plenty of shame.

Wanting. I’ve never met a person that doesn’t. And yet, we’re taught it’s something we’re supposed to outgrow. And certainly by the time we’re old enough to be a parent, dye our hair, or eat out alone, wanting is supposed to have evaporated in direct proportion to the massive amounts of chemicals in our non-organic food. That is, unless the wants are in a sexual arena, where the natural ebbing and flowing of desire is supposed to increase when you’re wanted and decrease when you’re not.

But. I do. Want that is. In fact I want often. I want a lot. And it is not about sex.

What I want right now is to figure out how to solicit HUGE numbers of people to read and interact with my blog. And this brings me right back to the place I started. Is there such a thing as ‘shameless begging’? Is this an oxymoron? Is it what I am doing right now? What if it is ‘shame-filled’ but I’m doing it anyway? Maybe I disagree with the tenet that it’s shameful to beg. Maybe I think that shame is based on faulty thinking.

I want. I want you. I want readers to interact with my work. Please.